May 17 2022

This is a first, for me to say no to you. 

For the first time I won't be able to do what you want me to do 

I would stand against everyone in this world if i could support you, but i have to take care of me first before i could be there for you this time.

I don't know if you sent it by mistake or you really wanted to get back in touch with me, i am still in a state of shock that you have sent me a request, i thought you were not capable of reaching out to me that your ego and stubbornness would never let you come to me

But i was wrong, i am so lost when i think why you would have sent me, was it a desparate call or you are pulling me back into our chaotic world which was never stable? Or do you want me to fill the void in your life ? 

I don't know what's happening . I really don't want you to suffer or even feel bad, i want all the good in this world to surround you. Please take care of you. I wish I could but i am not able to let go of me and where I want to be before i could speak to you again.

I hope it's not far away but for now, let's continue our silences. Take care.

This is a first, for me to say no to you, let it be the only time . I won't be able to bear it again.