May 4 2021

Thoughts 

12.18am

Like everyone else, I had my own share of fears and situations which I really dint want myself to be in. Just because I have worked so hard and given it my all to make sure it won't happen. But then one day, inspite of all the meticulous effort, you have to inevitably face it because its no more in your control and it's already happening and you can do nothing but watch it happen.

And days pass by, months pass by, things have happened the worst of worst has happened. Blinded by the hope of not letting things happen you even forget to have a back up plan or even imagine what would be your state of mind when it actually did and how is it going to be for real.

Certainly it dint kill you, it's just that it's not what you imagined it to be, then you slowly handle what ever it is only to realise that you are ok with it somehow to a point where you feel this is better in so many ways. 

People generally say, when you lose everything you got nothing more to lose. That's what has happened, you are at the rock bottom and what ever you do can only be a betterment to your current state of mind.

Covid and lockdown and pandemic is no fun. It's something no one imagined it, who would have thought it would happen? But its happening. To see so many many people suffer in all possible ways I feel privileged to have a smooth sail so far. Yes, I am terrified too what if it happens in my family. But things are happening, there is no clarity whatsoever. So disheartened to see the news, also my current state of life with a big hole and void. I miss companionship. I miss humans at my home. I am trying, this is an another rock bottom, I hope it gets better for everyone sincerely.