Dec 25 2020

1am

Never thought I would write about myself ever

I am not bragging or being narcissistic. I am a catch. I am good, I look decent though I weigh more on the scale, I look beautiful and like a woman of age with wisdom and grace. I have travelled enough to know a little about life more than many I have talked so far, I am artistic in what ever I do, I have a good sense about lots of things and a wonderful taste in almost everything.

Yes, I do like me. Yes, I am at my terrible phase of life where I do nothing and have no hold over life. I feel aimless and struggling to stick to a routine. Still, on the nth failed date of 2020, I am sitting here by myself post sending the guy back because I had zero interest to even touch him, I feel good. And it's because of me! 

I was so anxious the entire day. I cleaned the entire house. I groomed myself to look presentable and was very nervous about this guy liking me, but at the end of the date, all I can think of is, how I had put myself down and how stupid to be anxious about someone liking me where in reality all the dates I had been in so far, every single guy liked me. My concern has become such that I am worried what if I don't like them? 

Yes, I have to come back to zero where I have no one in my life as a partner, but its better to be on your own to be with the wrong one. 

All that I want to remind myself again and again is to see how wonderful and eccentric I am. I am glad I write about myself, I am not as bad as I thought I was. It's good to realise.