August 1 2020

My pages..

I don't know if you ever read the letters I had written to you in the past. And that's one constant thing which I had done as long I have known you, Neither i have written to anyone else nor I never felt the need . It was only to you I felt if I could write and send it to you somehow, you might understand it rather than me trying to explain. Now, slowly over these months since you left, I started to write as a way to cope. I have no idea if I am any good, but I can tell you this, nothing else has calmed me down in your absence. 

I don't know if you will read this too and my worst fear is what if you share it with anyone else, because all of these were written by me at my worst possible days and a few really good days. Love for you is the only thing I claim and feel strongly as an extension of me as a being. Something which I have done in the purest form of my existence, then these pages of me. They are me and the only solace I have. May be someday i would want to show this to my kid when they get their heart broken to give my piece of mind. 

One important need for a human is to have another human to be there when they need the most, I wish I had someone or atleast I hope I am someone who is for someone else. You were my bestfriend, may be my only love. 

Someday, someday I wish I will have what it takes in me to send you my pages again with immense hope and fear that you will read them and will keep it with only yourself. Because this is all I have really got. 

PS : Funny part is, I started typing this in your inbox then I moved to notes thinking I will first write there then send you the message along with my blog URL, but it ended up in my blog as an another page. I am glad, I don't have the compelling urge to share everything with you, I would rather wait until you come to me or not. Then when I feel like it, I might share it. Because at this point, I want to take this with me to my grave than share it with you who has not sent a single message whatsoever.