May 17 2020

Are you the one ?

Day 3, we had already talked for more than 6 hours and now you want to meet me tomorrow. We are so similar. Like ridiculously similar and sometimes it's like looking into a mirror. And I have a feeling that you like me too much. 

I am still not sure how I feel about you, but I am very very excited to see you. I feel confused, may be because it's going too fast and we already know about each other's past. No inhibitions, no restrictions, you talk as if you know me well. And you wanted to know how I would sleep. 

But I am scared. May be what I always wanted is happening and am i not able to believe it ? There is actually nothing which I don't like about you except that I find you too similar and I am not sure if that would be a problem. But that should be ok right because not everything can be matching. I am not able to think of you with me imagining things like I always do, may be this time it would happen for real ? 

I hope I like you in person as much as I do now and wish you do like me too. May be a little too much 😁

May 20 - Turns out I dint really feel anything towards him. Even after spending the entire evening and night. He kept saying he liked me, kissed me, I couldn't kiss him back nor I felt anything. I didn't want to hug him back nor enjoy his hugs. He said love you, I couldn't say anything back. All I told myself was not to hurt him. I dint sleep, I just wanted to be myself and wanted him gone. He forced himself on me few times but backed out when I kept saying no. Why ? I understand you might like me or love me or whatever you feel,  I even don't mind you telling me them repeatedly though I would prefer not to keep hearing it but you had no right to force yourself on me. If I said I want to sleep alone, I want to sleep alone, if you can't understand that and give me my space, I don't understand why I would want to do anything with you. I am really sorry. But I can't work with deadlines and in days I can't decide if I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I might hurt you, i am sorry for that. But I don't want this.