April 5 2020

Ha ha, I want to rewrite those memories. Fucking engineer I am, ok, for the loss of better words . 

You once told me, the sense of smell always brings you back memories of the person or the feelings you had experienced. For me, it's the places and the visuals. I just will lose it if I go the same place with anyone else. Places, where I have been with you when we were together. Ridiculous right, I want to rewrite them. Not just the same place, new places too, I would want to create new memories with a different someone. More intense, more powerful that I don't even get time to remember you or dig deeper to bring you out anymore.

I somehow managed to keep myself away from these places, it was not too hard. I just avoided them, so in a way thats ok. But these mind numbing visuals, me remembering you by not moving my ass in a completely new environment, I am not able to stop. I used to tell myself that certain things are meant to be shared only with you, but I have changed my mind about it. Those were not yours to do it only for you and to make it stop now that you are gone. They were mine, those are my things, my way of expressing my love. I would want to do the exact same things and more in the same fucking way to the man I am in love with. Fuck love! Not even love, if I am attracted or if he had remotely made me feel any better. I would wanna show how I will behave when I am in love. Because they are mine. I will keep rewritting our memories with others until I don't remember yours anymore. Yes, others! I lost faith in one for one crap. If it happens, it's ok. If not it will be rewritten. Also for now i would want to rewrite only yours because I would never let anyone to hurt me the way you did anymore to bury them.