10 Sep 2022 another one

I will very happily get married to any one who is half willing to live their life with me and share their journey with me. With or without love, as long as they like me a little and want me to as much as i do to share the life together. I wouldn't regret if it's arranged or love or planned marriage, i will try my best to be the best version of myself with all my heart. 

But with you, how many times have i told you, all that i ever dreamt was to have a home, a little home shared by us and built with love. I was ok with moving on different directions if that's what you wanted after a while, i just hoped we would have a kid by then. I told myself that i will be a super mom. I told you in college, i told you when we patched up, I told you when my parents dint agree, i told you from Mumbai, i told you every possible ways before you left me, i begged you to not leave me, even now all that i keep repeating beyond my control is to have a family, i only have lived it in my head, i never had a home with you or anyone else. You know what remains constant ? You and your absence of love for me. Am I too hard to love? What will i take away from you? I thought you are not capable of love but i can clearly see you are more than capable of it, but why not me? What is so unlovable about me that you don't see me like that even once? I am right before you, there is nothing stopping you but you don't feel it at all, do you? You are able to suggest me people to get married to, you are able to be calm listening to people taking advantage of me, you are able to see me date other men, still you had no problem. 

I will marry anyone, l will fall in love too, i will dissolve in my love for someone else too very soon. But you know what, me and you, we are never gonna happen.