Aug 27 2022

Running away 

So it's been sometime since I started messaging you, well i have no justification or reason to tell why I do. I told myself i dint want you to suffer alone, if in a day all i can ask is how was your day and make silly conversation and if that did any good to you, i was ok with that. Bcos each day is hard to go through and i had someone to help me and i wanted to be that person to you. Avlodhan. 

There is sincerely nothing more it, no agenda. To most men who i go after at times, all that i wanted to say was, all i got is love and this is how I am am and how I work in general, may be i wanted to show you that part of me to so you would understand. You can call it whatever you want. I don't have shame in being vulnerable. We are all humans. We got to have eachother's back, even if no one does it for me. Yes, my friend, she always has my back but i am only taking about all the men in my life here.

Same is why I spoke to you too, yes i would be lying if us getting back together dint cross my mind, it did, it was mere a unavoidable thought and i know it won't work. It's not possible, you haven't changed when it comes to me, i know you will run away when she pops up again and above all this, i don't want my life to be with you again. So it's funny when you show attitude and tell that i shouldn't do any damages to me or get emotional or get anxious and stop messaging right away as if i asked you for anything. I would like to remind you that it was you who wanted to message, meet and go to some place, bcos you want to get better. And you have no shame in asking. I am doing what's possible for me, i am not in love with you but i cant bear to meet you and go somewhere, it's not easy for me. 

I don't think you would understand any of it too. Like always you are so involved in what you want and now you got her too. Such partiality, only you can think this way. I would like to remind you again, no matter what, i wouldn't want to live with you because i want someone who wishes to take care of me as much i would him. Which you are not capable of when it's me. It's ok, i just want to tell myself that it's ok that you ran away tonight and i only can laugh at this silliness. 

Like i told you multiple times, i just want you to feel better, get a hold on life and live better with or with out her or with anyone you want. I won't be that person to you, i don't want to be, it would crush my soul to go through it again. There are too many people who i would like to chance with even if i have to fall again and again and get hurt. I am happy even though i am not where I want to be, i wouldn't trade that for my once upon a time mad love for you S.