June 14 2022 🌕

Deares C. This is for you, i love you 

U drive me crazy C. It's like magnets, i have to forcefully stop myself when it comes to you. It took me weeks of not talking to anyone and months to get over you. If i was in Alleppey I would have somehow found you by now and will be standing before you bcos i cant stop myself from seeing you. I would have already been there if you wanted me to. I told you not to continue contacting me, you disappear often and it bothers me so much bcos i don't get to spk to you or see you, i am so jealous of everyone else who can. If i was too in your place would it be easier? How many times should I tell you that I miss you. And i don't understand why. You are so far away C and I miss you. I can't get involved and go through everything again. Why do I miss you, i cant control my tears and i don't know how to stop all this. It's going to be a year since we started speaking, but I can count the number of times we spoke and we met once. Can you give me half a day to spend some time with me too, i wish to see you again and may be few hours this time? Would you hug me once? 

I feel very hesitant to say all these with you bcos i myself judge me for saying so. But i feel strongly in my heart that we are supposed to be with eachother and i should do something. Do you even like me still? Do you think of me at all? 

Will you believe if i say that i really feel like seeing you and i am not just saying. I did meet other guys between all this after you, they are all good too but no one so far has made me feel this vulnerable and out of control. What is it with you, even if i remember you a little it's so hard to get out of it. I am honestly not expecting anything from you, all i feel is to be near you and be a part of your life i don't know what i will get out of it. Why did you message me C, you were not supposed to see that, i have sent and unsent so many msges like that in the past. Stupid ways of mine to have imaginary talks with you so i get some peace out it. Did i tell you I miss you very much that it's unbearable and i am not able to sleep