June 14 2022 another one 🌕

Dearest C,

We don't have to date or meet . But talk to me when u remember me next time whenever that is. I don't want to lose you too. We don't have to define anything. 

Am still gonna go behind the idea of finding my home, stability and meet random people which i did these last months. Now i want a child too. It's all still there and i don't think i will stop. I am not going to study in Canada, i found a way to make more money so that's sorted too. I don't have any goals like you do, i thought so much about it for years, for me how I live and who i live with matters more and i just want to do it with all my heart. I am not sure what to do for it, so that's my search always as far as i remember. And to find someone who will reciprocate and understand that is hard. I might never find too. 

I don't want to let go of you, if it's wrong it's ok i don't care, if you think less of me for saying all this, it's ok too. If it's just gonna be me having imaginary conversations with you, it's still ok with me. Anyways i have sent and unsent so many messages which u never read since last August and pages and poems i wrote for you. I strongly feel that i should hold on to you but i don't understand why, is it love and how can it be? We spoke 4 times and you know nothing about me, but i don't want to stop it, i thought you dint like me but that's not the case is it? That's why I forced myself out of your sight.

I thought i will never be able to be in love like i was before but this is becoming more crazier that i am willing to stay with you even if you are not gonna acknowledge me. I sometimes feel as if i write some fictional story and question myself why do I think all these, but i do, what i am gonna get out of this, i don't know. I am there if you need me, that's all I wanted to say. 

Should we limit ourselves when it's love? I don't think we should. Be wild and free for it's the closest i feel being alive. 

Love,

T