Mar 11 2022
You know what I am really proud of? Of myself ?
I used to think that no can be in more love than me and love someone like i would. Though i still believe I am super great at that, but that's not it.
I dint knew my real me before you left, i was always your half person, shadow you never wanted that you only embraced in the dark, i was ok with that because i was happy with you, i never felt the need to find me at all. In my head I was living the best life i could possibly with you even in all of those chaos.
Until you broke me into a million pieces, i thought i would get tired of saying this exact same line, guess I never will. But it did make me find myself, gather everything that was broken and i was able to put myself back together somehow though I will never be the same again like everyone says. But i am fucking proud of that. I am, everyone does it, ok some people can and some try and some don't, but i figured a lot about myself and much more at peace if not happy. I don't think I will laugh like an idiot with no care in the world like i used to when we talk and be in love so madly. But that's ok, i have got my memories for that.
Also i got myself a ring today, i ordered to make it a certain way. All of the jewelry i wear tonight my side earring, the chain and the ring, i got them for myself with my own money from the place i wanted and how I wanted. Growing up i never had my own, though i never really longed or cared for it, it feels real fucking nice that i can take care and pamper myself too.