Nov 5 2021

Am I becoming a bitter person?

I am scared that I would become a bitter person. Who doesn't like anything and always sulk because she doesn't have it. I don't know how else to look for what I really would love to have in life. A family. I am tired of looking and everywhere I see I get reminded of the same. It's like it's mocking me that I don't get to take part in any of it. It just hurts me so much that I escaped and went to an unknown place when I turned 33.

I did everything possible to be not thinking of what life I had by escaping to new a place so I wouldn't get reminded of how I am for real. Never thought I would be longing for the same things for 10+ years now. As much as I try and talk myself up and try to be positive towards life, it's just making me so much more bitter because i cant stand to see other people living what I can never seem to have or get to. 

If I don't have the option to write all this i don't know what else I could do to ease the pain and loneliness that's overwhelming on most days.