July 16 2021

I am just happy!!!

3am

I am smiling ear to ear when I write this. I smiled the same when I woke up on this Monday after talking to you for an hour the previous night. When I realised I don't want to let go of you, you fell sick. I have started missing you though we talked almost everyday. 

You have already told me all the big words, "miss you" "I would love you" "miss you more than you miss me" "miss you and don't know why" and you can't wait to meet me. Even i can't wait to meet you. I got butterflies in my stomach after you told me "I would love you for that". I got scared and since then I can't stop thinking about us, what future might hold for us, life with you, your parents, your home, whether you will like me in person, there is nothing I haven't thought of already including the thought that I want our girl child to have your hair texture. How silly, I still get the butterflies even when I type all this.

It was two awful months, my father lost his foot. I struggled alone with both my parents health bcos of covid. I was drained. But slowly both got recovered and came home . I got a new job. And slowly everything seem to get back to normal, then as if my punishment time is over, you are just making my days better. With too much attention and care, though I am scared and not used to all this , I still don't want it to go away. You are from the mountains too, what more could I ask for. You speak Tamil. I am so glad we can speak the same language. You look handsome, god. I just really really hope you like me too. 

I just want to remember this day. I feel like I deserve all that's happening and I am so glad Its happening in the way it is happening. I really wanted to be with the person I am going to spend my life with this year before I turn 33. And everything is falling in place. I wish when I read this next time, I will be yours and you will be mine for life. Can't wait to meet you .

And Fuck you for ghosting me !! Dint expect from you, you talked as if you are upfront. 

21st July 2021

You took days to contact me, I understand that from what you said. But, Wow, Now you are in love with your cousin though you have feelings for me and she proposed to you right after her breakup ? I can only laugh at this. Hope you get married to her and live happily. Seriously. Not being sarcastic. We are all lost souls trying to find someone to live our life with hope you get that and be at peace.

Am I happy? May be not. But am I sad, not much. I am ok. I will be ok, I know that . It's all for good. When I revisit this, I hope I am probably right.