09 Feb 2021

Perspective

6.38am

When I started dating after a really hard breakup, I was so nervous. I was not confident, not ready to even talk to men on the phone i was chatting in online dating apps, reason being I have never really dated in my 20's even though my relationship had ups and down, I was in one and I never felt the need.

But then I was 30+ and single and I felt its me who should take control of my love life and I would like to have a partner of my choice to live with. But dating was new, place was new, there were too many options and too scary because every single person is a stranger.

From being hesitant to wondering if I will like the guy instead of thinking if he will like me, I have learnt and evolved a lot in these 2 years. Strangers gave me comfort, that's where it begun, I was not worried about being judged, most were kind and nice. So it was easy to message via apps but when it came to talking on phone I was still hesitant but I slowly broke it and talked which made it more easier but like everyone else, it would be great in message and phone calls but when the day comes to meet them in person, i was petrified, I was so concerned about how I looked and me being curvy and plump was always an issue, I would put in so much effort in grooming myself a certian way, which I think in the long run was a necessity for me as a person and it did build my confidence.

Then from one date to multiple dates, though I still have jitters before the date, I was slowly growing up to feel more confident. Now I am in a place where I also worry about what if I don't like the guy even if he likes me, this has happened multiple times. I was so naive thinking I am inadequate with the looks when in reality no man dint like me for the way I looked.

Certainly I am not being over confident, I have had rejections too but I have been also the one to reject as well. So it's right, at the end of the day, it's about 2 different people who may or may not like eachother, nothing wrong in analysing what you want as much as you are worried if the person will like you.