Oct 12 2019

My part..

The very first book I read when I was highly unstable was "Man's search for meaning" by Victor Frankl. It was a philosophical book. I am not proud of how I ended up wanting to read the book, I would like that to be in the dark. I am just gonna take the brighter side of what it did to me.

So, I was at home for 3 weeks. Then I had to go back to work, even if I don't feel alright. I went too, but I had ordered this book before I left home. I started to read, it was not an easy read. I had push myself to read it, I couldn't relate to what was going on in that book. Reason being, this guy who is narrating his own story, was in war. He had explained every single miniscule detail of how a war could be for real, I kept asking myself why do I read it. How can a person talking about war, which dint even happen in my own country is gonna help me in anyway? How what he did and graphics of a certain war is gonna help me find the meaning and purpose of my life? How is it gonna help me resolve my own conflicts and give me an answer?

Though I had such thoughts, I still went ahead and read the book hoping in some page before it ends, I will find my answer. Hope, u have no idea how pathetic it makes us sometimes. I kept reading, I reread some pages. I skimmed through few. I did everything possible with that book. I used to read some paragraphs and just think about it too, trying to find out if that's gonna help me.

I completed the book, it sounded like someone's struggle and how he was fortunate to get out of  that war and write about it too. There was a lot of references to psychology of human mind and people in general, I told myself that all those words, his story, psychology references made some sense though I was not completely ok with it. Because I started that with a different agenda, I don't know if I understood the book too. But I convinced myself, that something made sense and I am gonna get a grip on my life post that. I did too.

Until today, randomly, out of nowhere, I remember the book, and something stuck me so hard, and something was real, so real that i felt like i had a connection to my story and his and that's why it indirectly helped me too, made me believe to get a hold on myself post reading that unconsciously. He was all alone in the whole journey, he tried to figure out and he ended up in writing the book. I was all alone too, I had to do my own things to figure out. And this piece of work is my part in doing that.