Apr 5 2019

Do I want to just survive or live the life ?

Yes, I understand and also aware that surviving comes first and many are not blessed to see past surviving in their entire life either because of their situation or they just never realize.

Though I have a whole other argument of any reason being the hindrance to think beyond surviving. Because even if you are financially stuck you got a choice on how to lead your life.

I am thankfully not in a state where I have any survival problems and well aware of what living is, still I constantly feel that I am just surviving and not living the life I have on my mind. I know it's not what I should be doing, but I don't understand or too hesitant to break the comfortable zone I have put myself in?

I live in a nicer house, go to work paying too much on transport for merely 3km distance, sit before the system whole day, make too much money, come back. In-between I eat 4 meals which i feel is too much for a normal human who sits all day. But I do this almost every day for a decade now. I have no big responsibilities, no loans to pay, not interested to buy stuff and accumulate, not really interested in owning a car or an apartment in the air that too in a city where I have to pay for drinking water. I save most of my salary, I give to family friends when they ask me. Yes it has helped my dad when he got sick. But other than that,I never really used the money I earned.

All I wish for is to be in a place where there is more life in general and not just humans. Even humans in cities don't talk to each other other than regular social stuff. Where are the simpler homes where people will come to you in mornings or evenings and have time to ask about your day? Take time to talk to you, cook your meal and eat food at peace ? Drive you to your work for reasonable price ? Value having pets and garden than just building apartments one above the other? Allow trees to have a home among our houses ? Where time runs a little slow ? Understand that running behind money will never get us anywhere ?

Will I ever be able to go to this place. I really wish , someday I will force myself and leave the city and family and friends, though it's going to hurt them and look extremely selfish to their eyes. May be they will see I made an attempt to stop just surviving and have chosen to live my life . Then they might forgive me for running away from the madness.