Feb 17 2019
"sometimes i think i have felt everything i'm ever gonna feel and from here on out, I am not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I have already felt"
These lines from movie "Her" made me ponder. I do realise that it's not applicable in all walks of life and I know people will go out of their ways to prove me wrong. Bombard me with situations I didn't even knew that they exists.
But I would still stand by these sentences, you know why? In love, when you are in love, truly, you will feel everything that's one possibly can feel. The butterflies when you see your love every single time, the impulsive need to be with this person, share everything with person, your time together, energies that you share, the love in itself, all the hugs, kisses, your desire for more unending love for your lifetime, fantasy you have created in your head which the one you love is not even aware of, all the jealousy, the good, the bad, the unreasonable possessiveness, oh the fear of losing them, the fights, and if there was more passion involved and when it's not reciprocated, you can't really explain what the fear and passion does to your love. No, I don't want to exaggerate. If you been in love, you will agree with me on all of these, there is a possibility you might add more. It will ruin you for life. It will engulf you and will make you go through it, you will be on top of world one day, and the bottom of it the other. Not because the other person didn't love you or something is wrong, it's your love what makes you go through all of it.
It is painfully involuntary, which you don't want to control.
And someday it ends, for different reasons. You be with the person, get married, or you have broken it off. But love will someday end, after all that it had, to offer you. Then why people stay together is an another story, let's not go to that. I want to reiterate, all that you felt, that love which made you go to top and bottom of the earth, will never happen again. Its now changed to something else, the intensity with which it happened for the days and years you were in love will never reoccur. It might feel as if it were the same, but you know, deep down it's not the same. You have grown up, changed physically, you have more comfort or unwanted or too much information which had killed all your innocence to see the person for who he was. It will always be a lesser version, if you are living your life with them. There will be more companionship than love, that's the way it is.
But if you are lucky like me, whose love was broken. Then it's possible to relive those days and moments and try to feel what you felt because no one is making any effort to take it away or make it better. It's just stays inside of you, here it has become a part of you in your memories.