Feb 12 2019

Instincts.. Young minds... Never too late...

Right from a young age, I dreamt of becoming a teacher.. every child does dream of becoming one, you see them everyday at school, most beautiful, kind women we get to spend our days with, after our own mothers, from a young age till we run away to colleges...

These beautiful souls have encouraged me in ways no one ever did to me, I have sung songs though I was so bad at it .. I was told to just go perform, I knew I just read them and there was no rhythm in my reading for it to become a song...

My only goal was to engage myself in all the extra curricular activities, I borrowed money from my friend to join the annual day dance that year, but I was late and they have already selected the people required, my teacher told me that she will definitely include me in next year, I was in all the annual day dance till my 10th grade post that.. had she not told me to wait i might have lost interest and not approached again...

I wanted to be a teacher too, the joy of being with the young minds and see them bloom in unique ways is a wonderful experience to go through in life...

Then came marks, more marks, more exams, 10th grade 12th grade.. They swallowed my dance, singing, playing keyboard and the burden of performing my top game took away all the energy that I stopped doing them anymore...

Before I knew and understood what all I stopped, I was asked to decide what to study in college.. Scoring good marks screwed me again because I had to say goodbye to becoming a teacher and start loving engineering which I had no clue about.. that too computers...

Then came a big booklet with all the colleges I can possibly join, all engineering courses and institutes with all possible options for my science marks.. As I flipped through them, I found architecture and agriculture which caught my eyes and gave me excitement once again.. I never knew I could study them too with my science..

Alas, what I dint know was that I had to write separate entrance examinations to even apply to them . I was the unfortunate last batch who still had entrance exams. Had someone gave me the hope to wait for an year and pursue my instincts of studying them like my drawing mam did in my 3rd grade, I would not be dreaming about them at 30 and regret what if I really did Agriculture or Architecture if becoming a teacher was not an option...

Now that I read so many meaningful books which I would have read had I joined B.A English literature...
Now that I write so much and still unsure of how my writing is and don't know whom to approach for a little encouragement to pursue with more confidence...

Now that I long for learning farming and start somewhere to actually practice it and see for myself how good I will be in it...
Now that I sign for workshops to Permaculture with a fancy group with the money I earned from IT job for which I have neither attachment nor satisfaction...

Now that I paint taking inspiration from random paintings I see and do my silly attempts to recreate them on my weekends to calm myself...
Now that I wonder if I will ever be able to paint something of my own mind instead of looking for inspirations...

I should have listened to my instincts like I did when my teacher asked to wait for an year to join the annual day dance..
I should have listened to myself and not just dive into what looked so unfamiliar and had no interest in..

Instincts, they are your own voice.. listen to them.. even if you don't do well in life because of it, it will still mean something because you did it for yourself.. you will definitely not regret it...

Now they speak to me again, to be honest they are screaming these days that I still have time to do all of these.. I want to listen to them now.. I really do...