Feb 11 2019

Missing you ...

Phone call starting with playing of mouth organ instead of hellos...

Random complicated links and music which I had no idea about and never heard of before...

All the kisses where I lost myself, where I had to take a moment to come back to senses..

Wandering around with you everywhere with a sense of belonging to the place we were in, in spite of it being in a new place...

Same micmicries that crack me up every single time...

Late night talks on existential crisis of being another tiny human with so much of thoughts...

Sharing n number of photos and videos of life's around us and the joy of talking about it for hours, be it the fruit vendor, the lady who carried the dead dog on the road post the accident, articles, movies, poems, photographs, people, ourselves?

Nietzsche, Van Gogh, Egon, Murakami, Klimt, Tolstoy, Frida, Sylvia, how else I would have known you all if you had talked to me about it...

I have been and seen places without me actually going there physically, how many mountains, valleys, rivers, houses, trees, peoples I have seen through your eyes...

I would have never known I could write, if it's not my love for you, which pushed me to write you letters, paragraphs after paragraphs...

How much I loved being in love with you, who else could have given me such madness over love...

How much of pain and suffering to understand what is it to love and to live through it, knowing I will never be loved by you even when we were together...

How many mangoes, sitaphal and recordings of birds chirping over your mango trees i have experienced through your senses...

How much I have missed the fish curries and fish fries which u sent videos of, just to make me feel jealous...

How much I loved your mom and dad, your home which showed what life is and how it can be beautiful to live around so much lifes with no expectations from each other...

How many beautiful and wonderful sensible  women of colors I have known out of my mere jealousy over you, how I cherished knowing them for who they are and what made u associate with them...

How meaningful could movies be , how it could stir your soul and make u feel and understand that it's not just another story. It made me realize u don't always need a story and it's just moments and monotonity that makes it beautiful...

How could I thank u for the music I have been exposed to , though I never listened to all. but the ones I listened to, stayed with me and gives me solace.. 

The unexplainable joy and excitement I got in meeting you every single time, I will never understand what I felt every time I saw you, how can it be the same excitement and joy every single time for years...

The hide and seek you played when ever I came to meet you, it made me so angry but I enjoyed it too much to be angry about it now...

How the unexplainable comfort of sharing anything with you with absolutely no inhibitions, will I ever be able to do it ever again...

How the transparency between each other so easily allowed each other to see what our life's held...

Oh the gossiping of everyone we knew and all the deep discussion on how we saw it and what we think about and how much we shared with each other...

My mom has never given me beauty tips, how much you cared for my well being of both my inside and outside even though I was a mad soul who never cared about anything other than the love in itself. Not even you, it was the love for you...

I wouldn't trade my past decade with u for anything else, for it made me who I am and the meaning I got out of being in love...

Even if I had to do all over again and break my heart to million pieces and tear me apart, I will love you again and go through it. I dono what all I have missed and I am greedy that way, to suffer instead of missing being in love with you...